Below are the 50 most recent journal entries recorded in Bobby Bailey's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
12:21 am	almost 10 years I had put it off for a while, but tonight I finally started merging all my email files in to the mail program on my G5. I didn't think it would work at first, but then it started. Like a ticker tape of ancient memories and names long since forgotten, the crashing thoughts came striking me with a sickening nostalgia and the crisp pain of time slipping away. As I looked through there I see an entire timeline of my life to date. The timestamped past destiny of strange days long since lived marked only by tombstone subject headings with epitaphs scrawled by a me long since dead. What I assume was the first message I ever received via a POP server is dated February 9, 1996. I was a senior at St. X and the note was a message from the mailing list administrator for the Lords of Acid homepage. I am starting to feel really old. (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Friday, April 8th, 2005
11:27 pm	Open Letter to God Dear Creator, I thought I might take a little time to write and basically go over some thoughts I have about everything. First, I really, truly, and seriously want to believe in you and exceed your expectation of me. Everything, my life, the world, and the general design of the universe is amazing beyond any words I could write. That said, it's really hard to have faith when, even though all the good things are so so grand, the base and destructive things are so present. I often think about order and chaos and the interplay of those entities in the engine of creation. I wonder though how it can be that it even makes sense that we should be. Why did you even bother? I don't mean to discredit my thankfulness, but it seems that we are poor stewards of our blessings. I think of all the crazy stuff humankind has done, like, but not including: the holocaust, the inquisition, war, capitalism, communism, and all the other things that oppress and kill for no good reason at all. It makes me tempted to think life is just some cosmic accident. The thought of that scares the hell out of me. i look around and I think I have seen your signature a few places on creation. I think of the complexity of life and the amazing mechanics of nature. From the atom up, the cosmic ballet is so perfect that I cannot imagine it was not written by a master. I think of DNA as the tiny acorn from which the mighty oak can grow. How, I ask myself could all this greatness just be a mistake? Evolution and the constantly improving nature of life dazzles me and my faith is further reinforced. Then my thoughts pass to the horrors of life. Nazis dumping bulldozers full of babies into burning trenches. Men killing men for things they should perhaps have anyway, but of which greed has robbed them. I think of life caught in the machinery of nature. It seems absurd how fragile life is. I think of all the lives lost for stupid reasons. I think of the ripples in the pool of humanity from one destructive act. Why can we not see the harm of our ways? I stand torn. I see the wonder, and I see the tragedy. I see the blessings, and I see the curses. I see that I am a petty player, strutting and fretting my hour upon the stage. Is my life just a tale told by an idiot? I hear the sound and see the fury. What does it all signify? I wonder if faith is more than just a feeling. Perhaps, faith is a habit that I must actively engage. I cannot live in doubt and fear. I want to be open to the wonders of the world. I want to share my blessings. It seems a common thing to want to worship you. I think, however, that that is misinterpreted a little. I do want to glorify the maker of everything but I want to do it by making the most of my life and helping to enrich the lives of those around me. I can think of no better way to give glory to you than to make the most of the canvas that stands before me. I am going to try my best to turn my life around. Every passing day is another chance to turn it all around and I have let too many go by. Fear and doubt stifle life and crush spirit. Life is too short and precious for those to cloud our path. I will do my best and I simply ask to reinforce my faith. I only want to know that we are more than just an accident. I simply want to know that my life has a purpose. Cordially, bobby P.S. I have some more stuff to add later. Thanks for reading. (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
1:11 am	crying in the wild night of doubt Dear World, The title above is a little grave here, so I will immediately assure all readers that while I consider the content contained herein very serious, in the grand scheme of things, I know it's not really that big of a deal so don't get worried about me. I reflect on many things, but none more than this so I thought I would share my thoughts with the world. Let me also preface this by saying, that some existentialist dude once said that he never felt a day of despair in his whole life. I feel that way too. I am hugely blessed. I got great parents that raised me. Great parents that gave me life. Four awesome families full of insanely great people. Siblings I am proud to have. Friends who put up with my bullshit and are always ready for adventure. I'm smart. I have a great job. I try to be a good steward of my talents and various blessings. I have been lucky enough to have loved and been loved by a few pretty girls. In general, my life is pretty much prefect. The best part is, I am working to make it better, and it seems to get sweeter by the day. My main goal in life is to raise a family and be a great husband and father. Seriously, if I do have the job my parents did with me, I think it'll work out great. I have the other "normal" goals too: financial security, nice house, stick shift convertible, etc. Now, it would seem with all that said, I would have the philosophy department all sewn up. But I just don't. I try to live my life as Christ-like as possible. I want to be forgiving. I want to help others, even if sometimes tradition stands in the way. I want to not judge. I want to improve the lives of the people I touch. I want to generally be a nice guy and not get caught up in the unimportant stuff in life. That said, I want, with great desperation, to be have faith. My heart is filled with so much doubt. The world, with so much absurdity and misery, is a hard thing to deal with while trying to believe in a loving creator. Without a God, life is pretty much meaningless. We simply become chemical reactions driven by sunlight just trying to survive as long as possible. The "soul" is just the firing of neurons in the brain. Love is just something to assist in the mating process. Put simply, life just becomes a waste of time without God. I think of all the order and beauty in the world and I can't help but think that there is a greater order or meaning. This thing around me, and my life, cannot just be a random machination in a grand sea of chaos. DNA is so so complicated. The machinery of life is beyond complex. I want to just succumb to it, and believe that I matter. As close as I can come, I am sidetracked by so so many things. The thought of a person changing because of chemical or injury. How permanent can the soul really be if we are so fragile that our very identities are subject to our physicality. Life, it seems, is cheap and perhaps getting cheaper. So many people kill and are killed for meaningless things that I wonder why God sits idle. The crusades, the holocaust, all the wars, and all the needless pain and suffering in the world makes no sense. It all seems so absurd. A friend of mine once said that "the ways of God are not the ways of man". Can light exist without dark. Can we truly be happy without knowing sadness? What is my point with all this? I want to have faith. I want to know that my life and the lives around me matter. I want to just live knowing that we are more than atoms. I welcome any and all comments on this, be it in this forum or in person. Sincerely, bobby (39 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
4:33 pm	this morning So this morning I'm getting my piano tuned. Yes, a literal piano not a euphemism for anything else. In the middle of the tuning, Kim, my ex-girlfriend, yells from the bedroom bitching about how I'm banging the same keys over and over and asks if I could stop for 10 minutes. The piano guys just looks at me stupified and I tell him to go on as I yell back to her regarding the fact that it wasn't me but rather the tuner man. A few minutes later she left, still pissed off. (5 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Sunday, February 20th, 2005
7:20 pm	very interesting read The Social Issues Research Centre's Guide to Flirting --indepth and scientific tips on getting it. a true must read. it's a pdf so depending on your browser you might have to right click and save as. (2 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Saturday, February 19th, 2005
1:45 am	open letter to birthmother Jill, I just wanted to take a minute to say a few things. I’ve thought about this so much that it might not be written in the most logical order and may not grace the English language. I can assure you, the meandering of my words in no way dampens my feelings. First, I am so happy, glad, and amazed that we found each other. My life is so so much more complete now and I am totally beyond blessed. My life has turned out so perfect. The more I learned about my roots the prouder I became. Loretto and Lebanon are amazing communities. Hayden and Brady are names that carry respect. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I can't imagine how hard it was dealing with my unexpected arrival. I am so so grateful to you that I can only pray that the outcome of my life can repay the debt I owe you. I think about all that you have given me. First, life. Then you gave me to people who made me their whole life. I had a family so much like the Hayden's and the Brady's its amazing. I had grandparents who loved me and aunts just like your sisters. I got four families when most people only get two. I have two brothers and three sisters! I can't tell you how cool that is! Had you kept me, I'm sure our life would have been amazing. You choice to give me up gave a child to deserving parents who could never achieve that. You made their dream come true. Now, I have returned to give you back what you gave up those 26 years ago. I recently sent my parents a letter to tell them how I felt about everything. Basically, I said that I felt like I was the product of a marriage of nature and nurture (I pasted the letter below). Given life by you and Chuckie, then loved by Ruth and Joe. This as with any marriage, families are united. At first, I think they were a little scared that I would be stolen away. What I have learned, and what I want to show is that the heart is a muscle like any other. The more love we give, the stronger it gets. I can but pull all my familes closer to me in the force of that affection. I was raised to value family above all. In that, I have been torn. I want to do right by all and be fair to all. As such, I see that this "marriage" has created one big family from the in-laws of the four. One melange of Bailey, Brady, Hayden, and Walsh. Where am I going with this? Simply I want you, Derek, Nora, and the entire Hayden family to be a bigger part of my life. When I am with you and your sisters I can't help but see so much of me looking back. The common looks aside, I know that I have found all the missing pieces to the puzzle of who I am. I am so glad I was able to meet my grandmother, but I am so sad I didn't spend more time learning about her share in my gift of life. I have learned my lesson, and I will not allow our future to fall to the same waste. You are a part of me and I can only pray you will be as big a part of my future as you are of my life entire. All the thanks in the world could never scratch the surface of my gratitude. Sincerely and with the Greatest Affection, Bobby (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
1:40 am	open letter to parents This is extremely personal, but I am proud of my family and the way I feel about them so I am giving it to the world. Mom and Dad, Sometimes, and I suspect this may, in lieu of my legendary and perhaps infamous verbosity, seem foolish, I have a hard time rendering my feelings into words. I have wanted to write this for some time, but it took some time to render the sentiment into words. I just wanted to take a chance to tell you a few things. First, I love you both very much. I know I don't say it very much, but I do. To me, action should say this and saying it just rattles the air for a second while doing nothing but cheapening the sentiment. The reason that I feel this way is not only the tradition that children should feel as such to their parents, but moreover that I am aware of the incredible investment you have made in me. I was chosen by you, and then cared for and nurtured in the best possible way. Sacrifices beyond my imagination were offered by you to make me who I am. I can only pray that I can achieve such a standard with your grandchildren. Second, inside of everyone there are two creative forces: nature and nurture. I am the product of both. Everyone is. I suspect that the latter is the more important in the outcome of who we become. But the former is what gives the opportunity of existence. That, I could have gone my entire life and not found my biological origins and not felt saddened. Ruth Bailey is my mother, Joseph Bailey is my father. Nothing can or will ever change or dilute that fact. Our time together as a family is the thing I hold most dear in this world. As it happened, the course of luck or fate delivered the knowledge of nature to me. Upon many hours of reflection I have come to believe that I can be considered the product of a marriage of nature and nurture. With that marriage came the creation of two sets of "in-laws": The family who loved me throughout my life and guided me on my path to manhood, and the family who loved me enough to give me away in the hopes of affording me a better life. While this is undoubtedly positive in all aspects, it creates an uncomfortable duality. So, I have often though, where does this leave me. What can I do to create unity through this? The answer is simple. A primary value that you instilled in me was the fact that family is paramount. There is no bond like the one between kin. This both exacerbates the problem by doubling my responsibilities and it then provides the solution. The simple grandeur of familial bonds is the power created when all the members of a family act as one. It is then that no problem is insurmountable. In that I know the goal. Going forward I simply have to have one family. The "in-laws" of the unison of nurture and nature inside me. I can say that this will be no easy task, but I can say that the gain will be worth the effort. I know that there is no ill that can come of this because I can say with surety that my heart is big enough to love both. It then becomes my ambition to make both proud. Sincerely and with the Greatest Affection, Bobby (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Friday, January 21st, 2005
10:19 pm	i've seen sunny days that I thought would never end It's kinda sad in life whenever a door closes. Each chapter in our life, once written ushers in a new time and the need for a goodbye. Not only with whom we shared the time, but the person we once were. I sit here writing this a tiny bit changed. A little sad perhaps, that I've lost a little something in my heart, but I know that I move on a better man. I write this because I recently broke up with my girlfriend of a year, Kim. Is love a feeling, or a habit? Perhaps, it is a little of both. Regardless of the ethereal thing that it is, I know I feel it and that cannot be quickly changed. Logic tells me that this makes sense. She is 20 and I am 26. I am feeling the urge to settle down and start thinking about a family. Her path is yet to be formed and such thoughts do not do her justice. Could I imagine her mothering my children? The answer is an unequivocal yes. She is truly everything I seek in a mate. Brains, beauty, honesty, ambition, and a drive to constantly improve herself. In our time together our lives complimented each other and I think we both move on the better for it. Is it better to love and lose, or never to lose at all? Garth Brooks crystalizes this sentiment in his song "The Dance". "Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance" What is this pain I feel? Simply knowing that we have to move apart. I know she still loves me, and I love her. Coincidence has crossed the stars above us and that is all. Pleasure is bought solely in knowing the reality of pain. Light cannot exist without the dark. The warmth of togetherness cannot long survive without the recollection of the cold of aloneness. I am thankful for the magic she put into my 2004. Those days can never be erased and will stand forever as a testament to the splendor of two crazy kids in love. I think it's sort of like Seinfeld. We are ending our series on a high note. Totally in love and realizing that we are at a peak. I told her that I thought we were doing it for all the right reasons. I told her she left me a better man than she found me and had given me many gifts. She asked what. I told her she taught me the dichotomy of being a hedonist (I didn't use that word) while still being an intellectual. And I told her I never thought I would have a girlfriend as hot as her. She taught me to be confident. She taught me that sometimes, even after the glory of love, there might yet be something between two kindred spirits. She finally convinced me that even I might have a few gifts yet to give. I can't quote the exact things we said to each other. But I can tell you it was beautiful. Closure between people who are truly in love is a great thing. When we create something, we doom it to destruction. This one thing, our time together, may have escaped such a fate. I may wonder about the what may have been, but I will never discount or think ill of what was. (7 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Sunday, January 9th, 2005
8:38 am	postcard memories and faded photos from long ago I don't remember who told me about this, but someone likened the looking back on a wild night of drunkenness to looking at postcards. Bits and pieces of a place and time, with gaps in time, and not much sense at all. Like vacation photos from long ago. Time fades the moment in between alot like alcohol does. Alcohol just does it faster and increases you chance of spontaneous meeting of new and interesting people. I have one such "postcard" from new years I think is worth sharing. Blake, my Beta brother and cherished roomate, was making a toast a few minutes after midnight with a bottle of Dom '96 sitting on the table with the cage already removed. Mid cheer, the cork popped and a stream of Def Leppard's sugar spewed on the table. Instinctively, and like the dog I am, and with the help of a few others, started lapping up the 1996 goodness with fury. I know that later I was carried out by another brother. For the first time in the suit I was wearing had some mud on it and I felt like crap the next day. So it goes. Life is good, and sometimes you and your posse drinks a few magnums of cheap sparkling wine mixed with Red Bull, and 8 bottles of the real deal Frenchy stuff. All in all, new years was a rousing success. Kim and I made it home safe with our DD. You gotta love the girl who gets your sick ass home. I am very lucky to have a girlfriend who is insanely smart, crazy beautiful, and loves me even though I was a huge lush to welcome the new year. (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
10:07 pm	Zero Sum Holiday or Why I Hate Christmas I was thinking about why Christmas annoys me a few days ago. The usual suspects came bubbling up in my mind of course. There is the traffic, the commercial bastardization of what should be a simple time with friends and family, the shameless exploitation of that fact, and the general fact that it seems to bring out the worst in people by stressing them to their limits. In deeper reflection I found the main reason it bothers me. For me, Christmas is not zero sum. I do not get out of Christmas what I put into it. I am so loved and so blessed that I seem to walk away like a robber baron lighting cigars with c-notes. When I was a child that fact electrified me and I counted the days. I remember setting up the tree with mom. I remember spending so much time trying to figure out what I got. I remember thanking my grandfather for being so good to me when he didn't really have to (chosen children are blessed so much more than you non-adopted types - na-na!)) I remember so many wonderful things that I am awestruck just thinking about it. Then I think about what I have put into it. I owe the holiday a debt I cannot repay. The dept creates guilt and the guilt creates the negative feeling. I can only pray that my later actions can in someway justify all the love I have been given. I truly am blessed beyond imagination. I am blessed all 365 1/4 days a year. Christmas just reminds me that I need to repay the love. Thanks to everyone who thought of me this year. Thanks to all my wonderful families and all my friends (my chosen family.) for being a part of my life. (6 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Saturday, October 30th, 2004
6:42 pm	dearth of verbage Lately I have been very self conscience about the words I put to paper. As such it has been very hard to update and maintain this journal. This is a short term condition, and I hope to start fresh in the spring. In the meantime, please feel free to call or email. Thanks, The Management (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
2:18 pm	new toy Bought my first metronome today. That is something I never would have imagined owning a year ago. (6 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Tuesday, July 6th, 2004
8:44 pm	gravity Sometimes, events of great importance can sneak up rather unexpectedly, even when we are forewarned and thereby forearmed. It really wasn't until I tossed the pasta into the skillet tonight that I contemplated the gravity of the events that will transpire this Friday. My thoughts focused on the most similar experience I have yet collected, the meeting of my two other biological half-siblings. Friday will mark only the second meeting I have had with the woman who set into motion the essence that constitutes my biological existence. With her will be Derek and Nora, my two half-siblings that I have yet to meet. I wasn't really, and am not now, totally sure how to feel or how to prepare myself. I was only truly sure that I should eat the pasta, and I did. (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Monday, July 5th, 2004
12:52 pm	god bless the stupid Okay, so one day last week Patrick tells me that he knows a girl with a computer problem. He tells me she will be a paying customer so my interest is immediately piqued (I hate being the free tech support bitch; I mean do I ask you to do your profession for free for me? I don't think so.) I get on the horn with her and hear her regale her experience. Apparently, she tried to remove her monitors VGA cable unsuccessfully. Okay, that's pretty fucking stupid. I ask her to clarify. She explains that she neglected to unscrew the plug from the port. Wow, that is really really fucking stupid. The story goes on to her actually, and I shit you not, ripping the port off its respective place on what I assume is the video card. I tell her to drag it to the office so I can check it out. Lo and behold, its a Dell Dimension 2200 WITH ONBOARD VIDEO!!!! Ha, this silly broad ripped a jack off the motherboard! I tell her to call Dell and get an estimate. $600. She called those shiesty Cossack bastards at CK and got an estimate for $300 (never, ever buy a system from the Russian mafia. My boy Steve (against my recommendation mind you, scored a hugely overpriced system from them made of the cheapest parts, that when it failed had crust leaking from its motherboard's capacitors and a power supply filled with goo which exploded from inside its various guts.) I call my boy Chris (the uber-geek that I call for tech support). He tells me he can solder it back on for $100, $125 max if he needs to buy a new VGA port. We call her and tell her its gonna be $225. She agrees. Chris fixes it, drops it off, and when he does I bitch about my iBook not being fast enough for the multipage prepress page layout I've been saddled with. I ask him if he knows anyone who wants a tricked out G3 and he offers to look around. The next day, he confirms he has it sold for $800. Wow, color me impressed. I immediately crept to Apple.com and order a mack daddy PowerBook G4 1.33/60gb/256mb/12.1" and have it next-dayed. 18 hours later I dump a 512mb DDR SODIMM in it as I'm moving the docs off the iBook and gettin' it ready for its new owner (some dude whose PC laptop just bit the big one. Chris is a huge Mac evangelist, so he was ultra pleased to hook the cat up with some Apple love.) So, God bless the stupid. Sometimes, they give you a hundred bucks to make a phone call and get you in scoring position for a new PowerBook. (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Friday, July 2nd, 2004
3:04 pm	rotfflmmfao U.S. Steers Consumers Away From IE Until today, I thought the DHS were a bunch of color coded jackasses. Now, I gotta lower them to dumbass condition orange. It seems they realized the IE is pure shite. Now, when they proclaim that Windows in general is a threat, We can lower them to blue. Personally, I use Mozilla Firefox for my browsing needs. (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
11:52 pm	a lesson in humility Yesterday, at my first piano lesson (courtesy of xclichex), I learned more than just what an octava looks like. Sitting there, getting bombarded with new and confusing concepts it suddenly occured to me that my scared, rabbit-in-the-headlights-glazed-eye-look was perhaps the exact look that I collect when I try to explain computer stuff to people. It wasn't really a lesson in humility, but a stern reminder that I don't enjoy any kind of ignorance. As such, I need to get rockin' on the study and practice of my piano mojo. (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Monday, June 28th, 2004
11:32 pm	thoughts I've been thinking lately about ethics, morality, and what is or isn't the general right thing to do. Before I can even get into the meat of the discussion and closer to any definite feeling about it, I am caught by the means of measuring what is right, wrong, or even what are simply, to use the doublespeak of the managerial tribe, the best practices for living. I think often of a utilitarian approach. The simple formula of what provides the greatest good to the greatest number of beneficiaries. I remember my pinko ethics teacher droning about deontologicalism, or whatever, and I then think about measuring what is my duty, our collective duty, and the duties we expect from the government in exchange for the power we give them. At this point, I've read lots about all the various -isms and -ologies and I can safely say I'm no closer to enlightenment. Maybe I can better explain my confusion, but that's about all. What really bothers me are all the people walking around who have figured it out. Ask anyone of them and they can tell you all about it. Self-righteous-indignation is about as common a commodity as any. This whole thing is coming to the point of the current state of affairs. Violence, war, hate, fear, and all the bad things of small minds have really crystallized in my view. When I think about ethics and morality in the face of those things, there is no argument. Utilitarian, or whatever, it never makes sense to kill someone. Morally, in most systems of thought, murder is wrong. The utilitarian world loses a means of production. Darwin's world might be a little better, it just depends on who you kill. I often try to fit myself into one of the common political labels. Am I conservative or am I liberal. Personally, I don't think those labels mean anything. They are just convenient methods of describing people stupid enough to think they have it all figured out. Far enough left, or far enough right it's the same thing: a kalashnikov in your face on the left, and a M16 and some F16s on the right. A good swath of my friends, family, and acquaintances are all for the "liberation" of Iraq. The true measure of their grit comes in the answer to my preferred query of "would you go fight" or "would you want me to go fight". Invariably, save one, all have said no. But it's okay for our soldiers to go die for what is at best a very slippery slope? Well, they new what they were signing up for. Let me rewind to my 18th year. I had no idea of the horror of war. Even today, I lack any true insight to the horrors my grandfather, father, and any other soldier has seen when the dogs are slipped. If I had no idea at 18, and I'm not afraid to say I'm smarter than most, these poor kids sent their deaths entered an unconscionable contract sold on lies. Still, people don't seem to care very much. That makes me think that everyone that is waving banners and just following along is either completely ignorant, cowardly afraid, or too weak to look fear in the face. I know I wouldn't go. I'd never ask someone to go in my stead. You know what though, if I did go, and I died in a lonely gutter in the scorched-earth, most people wouldn't give a fuck. Sometimes, I feel a tinge nihilistic and think that mankind doesn't deserve the gift of life. We could seriously be God or nature's greatest mistake. I don't want to believe that, but in a world where life is cheap and getting cheaper, what am I supposed to think. Maybe I should just lie down and believe what the government tells me. (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Saturday, June 26th, 2004
2:02 pm	Wow. If you have not already done so, go see Fahrenheit 9/11 immediately. Just like "Bowling for Columbine" wasn't anti-gun propaganda, this film is not just liberal propaganda. It is a scathing and poignant look at how fucked up our government really is. (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Tuesday, June 15th, 2004
7:44 pm	OSX Software Update Trouble If you suddenly are unable to download the updates for OSX using the Software Update pane in System Preferences with the error "Software Update cannot connect to the internet." here is how to fix it: Set your router's MTU to 1492. For DLink products go here in your browser: http://192.168.0.1/sysp.htm (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Sunday, June 6th, 2004
9:33 am	sunday. It's 9:30 on a Sunday morning. Kimmy got back from Cancun last night. When I heard a door slam in front of my house, i abandoned my seat on the patio and walked down the driveway to meet her. She approached, dark and tan, young and lovely, like the girl from Ipanema. The mexican sun did it's magic and she returned even more beautiful than when she left. I watched sadly for a moment, and then she hurried to me. Unlike the poor cat in the song, I had the courage to tell her I love her, and she doesn't look straight ahead, she looks at me. I guess, the moral of this story is, when you think a girl digs you, sometimes it isn't the gin fucking with your mind. She may in fact, actually dig you. Now, one thing about women in general, hot girls are a dime a dozen. Kim is in that magical intersection of genius and seductress. It's insane, I hardly see her study and she still has a 3.9 cumulative gpa. Not in easy classes either mind you. She rocked organic with a grade in the high 90s. Unbelievable. What might be more unbelievable though is that she digs me. I mean, I'm just some dude. To rewind a little, earlier that evening, Scott dropped by. We rode to Rusty's and he threw me some advice on how to up my framerate in first-person-shooter on macs. When we returned we were all a little hungry, so at 9:30 I fired up the grill and we mesquite-ified some wings. Here is the trick. See, if you sprinkle the woodchips randomly on the charcoal, they burn too quickly. What you gotta do is put them in one big clump. Now, with wings, its best to start them frozen and flip them about every five minutes for 30-40 minutes. If you are gonna buffalo them here's the magic: Take equal parts butter (not margarine! BUTTER!) and Frank's Red Hot and mix them. Add a little habanero or whatever if you like'em hot. After the wings ooze a clear liquid they are ready. Take them off the center of the grill, brush on the sauce and let the smoke do its magic. About five to ten minutes later, you will have wing bliss. After all that, and some Corona, bedtime found its mark on the clock and was at hand. Kimmy stayed over, and incidentally is sleeping right now. Earlier, I woke up, woke her up, and then for whatever reason I didn't feel like going back to sleep, but she did. Ha, there goes that stereotype. Still feeling a little frisky, I went running. I ran a good two miles and would have ran more, but I felt major league nauseous, so I had to stop. I'm back at my crib now, chillin' on the couch about to have me some cornflakes and soymilk. And people think God wants you to waste Sunday mornings in church? No, God wants you to run till your sick and then make your ultra-hot, unbelievably smart girlfriend coffee. (7 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
11:32 pm	ecstasy is the birthright of our gang I've been listening to too much Velvet Underground and David Bowie lately. Is that bad? I sold my Dell about a month ago. I don't miss it. In every conceivable way, my G5 is vastly superior to any PC I have ever used, touched, seen, or read about. It's hard to break the habit of ctrl-c, v, x, z, etc. and use the Command key instead, but I'm working on it. I couldn't get down with the one button mouse. I tried. Computers need multiple buttons on their mice. Scrollwheels are crucial also. Did you read that Microsoft was awarded a patent on the double click? I have a new roomate. We shall herein refer to him as Blake. We also refer to him therein likewise. Is he as good as Timdog? Only time will tell. Things are off to a good start. He and Kimmy get along well, which is good because she is defacto roomate number three. Peaceful coexistance is key. I feel like the mama alot though. It seems I get stuck with the cleaning. Kimmy makes me really happy and Blake increases the economic viability of my experiment of home ownership. So it goes. Blake has a collection of fine scotches. Blake, like me, collects fine watches. That is a bonus. Bitchass-Timdog only had one watch. Granted it was Omega Speedmaster, it was still only one. Ha! Material bullshit aside, Blake is motivated, clean, and ambitious. Those are crucial ingredients to a good roomate. So let's hope I don't have the desire to kill him like I did with Aaron. Speaking of Aaron. I made him a deal to develop aaronshay.com in exchange for him cutting my grass this summer. Needless to say, his site is up but I;m cutting my own fucking grass. I forgot how cleansing it was to bitch in my blog. Wow. This is great. Mmmm...catharsis. *I think "roommate" looks funny. I prefer the misspelling "roomate" (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
10:56 pm	around the bend Life has been pretty funny lately. See, sometimes things get a little stagnant for me. A little reinvention does a body good eh? Interestingly, I borrow a milk quote weeks after I made the switch to soy milk. Not for being lactose intolerant or anything, I just dig that coffee creamer vanilla flavor Silk kicks it with. Strange, perhaps. Tasty in my corn flakes, abso-friggin-lutely. So, I after I mowed the yard today I felt a little frisky so I ran a mile. While running, a thought occurred to me. I need to update my damn blog. Weird, but I just haven't felt like I had anything to say. Well, that's not exactly true. I've had plenty to say, but like my mama told me, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Right? Well, reading back through my bloggystyle, I think that question is answered in the negative. Whatever though. This whole war thing has me a little freaked out. I'm not sure that humanity deserves the chance it got. Maybe I've hung up my existential spurs in favor of the chaps of nihilism, Who knows? But damn if I don't look forward to that vanilla bliss cornflake ecstasy in the morning. Once, I was standing by my grill, grilling as it were, and some fighter jets flew overhead. I thought for a moment what it might be like if those planes were dropping bombs on or around me. How do you fight back? Or, is all the luck you might have make a photo of your maimed children climb to the top of the yahoo most viewed page? I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson sing "To Make You Feel My Love". People wonder why file trading is a problem. Do they really expect people to buy this shite? Bob may have a raspy voice, but god bless him. Your boss might be a carpenter, my boss is a Jewish harmonica player. (Garth's cover of the jam is bearable.) So, the reason I'm updating. A strange thing has been happening in my parents backyard. Disturbing, yes. Amusing, certainly. Indicative of the old parents, going aroung that bend, hell yes. So, someone told me about this and I was inclined to think it was bullshit. Well, a quick glance out the window proved it correct. My dad, annoyed with the myriad holes dug in the yard has declared war on the animals. Traps. Yes, traps. What is he trapping? Squirrels. Then what? He puts them in a blender and pours the ground up remains in the yard as a warning to the other squirrels. Just kidding about the last part. He, with the assistance of the mama, takes them to Fern Creek park and releases them. To make it all the weirder, always in the same spot, so the relocated squirrels "will be among friends". So, in case any of you wondered how I turned out so fucking normal, there you go. (5 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Monday, May 17th, 2004
11:39 pm	reflection on a monday night As I made my way to the airport the little red light burned there like a little angry sun rising on the horizon of my dashboard reminding me that soon I would have to make that most masochistic of treks to the gas station. I stood there pumping the gas and a thought occurred to me. It sucks paying out the nose for gas, especially after the meaningless death of some 30,000 people in petroleum greed driven hate. After reflecting on the sucking for a moment, my view caught a truck in the distance, a SUV as it were. Then I laughed. Those shiesty bastards are getting shafted sans lube and no dinner before hand. I felt a lot better. War, whatever, SUV drivers suffering makes me smile. Maybe, just maybe, some petite soccer mom is having to stifle her crotch spawn's desire for abercrombie paraphernalia to throw a little premium in her fucking navigator. And that's karma at it's finest. God bless nerds in little orange hatchbacks. (7 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Friday, May 14th, 2004
10:21 pm	kimmy and the aforementioned me Undated photo, taken by Timdog, of Kim and me. (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
9:54 pm	well Just for the record, given the choice between some hazing with a camera, and having my head sawed off with a machete, I am always going to choose the former. For a minute, I felt kinda bad about the plight of the A-rabs, now I'm back to my pro-Israel-and-the-American-hate-machine stance. Give me headlines of carnage and death, life is cheap and I know it. (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
10:45 am	A Must Read... From Haaretz.com: Israel's nuclear whistleblower Mordechai Vanunu goes free So, this cat spilled the beans about Israels nuke program, then gets tricked into going to Rome by a female Mossad agent (Cheryl Bentov), is tried, sentenced to 18 years for treason, and gets released this week. Now, he can't leave Isreal or talk to foreigners. Funny, this is the same week they decide to assasinate Rantisi. Why are our tax dollars being wasted in support of the Israel? Why is it if the attack is high-tech it isn't considered terrorism? Why is a helicopter launching assasination rockets not a big deal? If the Palestinians used F-16s to blow up the Israelis, what would be different? (4 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
12:52 pm	Bobby Bailey Spring Clearance Sale Everything Must Go! My Current eBay Auctions! (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Thursday, February 5th, 2004
11:06 pm	oh yeah! I got my keyboard on January 23. Today is February 5. That makes 13 days and I can already play two songs ("Frere Jacques" and "Oranges and Lemons") and I am getting better at reading music everyday. Due to an evil bitch music teacher I had as a kid, I grew up thinking I was musically inept. Ha! I think that broad couldn't teach for shit. Give me a book and a few days and it's crystal clear, throw me in evil Semiramis Cult (Catholic) education and it might as well be nuclear physics. Again, a special thanks to xclichex, for being of huge assistance to this endeavor! (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
9:25 am	This is GIGANTIC! Pixies Tour Officially a Go (2 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
9:14 am	"All we have to do now is take these lies and make them true somehow" -George Michael Prophetically speaking in 1990 about current US foreign policy. (are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
10:50 am	Adie-licious! This is a special prop going out to xclichex for answering about a million music theory and technique questions. She rocks and is far and away the best e-tutor I have EVER worked with! As soon as I can play it, my very first rendition of Elton John's Tiny Dancer will be sung for her ;) (2 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
8:21 am	me: 1, world: 0 I just successfully played my first song on the keyboard! It might have just been the frog jam Frere Jacques, but hey I'm only cracking on week three on the black and whites. Other recent accomplishments: I can read notes on both the G and F clef with decent accuracy. I know what notes the keys are (even the black ones ;) ) Playing C and D major scales similar and contrary with both hands! Playing A, B, C, D, E, F, G major scales with both hands up and down (but not with both hands yet!) // In other news I am now a single man. Well I mean my roomate divorce is finalized (because other than that I am in fact not single ;) ). In four days the TiVo will be gone. No more Henkels knives. No more Foreman grille. No more repartee with the Timdog. It's the end of an era folks. \\ "Time Out of Mind" stands proudly in the Dylan canon next to "Blonde on Blonde", "Highway 61", "Bringing it All Back Home", "Blood on the Tracks", et cetera as some of his best work. Sort of like "Lady in Satin" is the death rattle of a diva who knows death is on her doorstep, after jamming Love and Theft, I can't help but wonder if he thought "Time..." was gonna be his last and "Love..." was a rock and roll tribute to an extension of his lease on life. Then I think of dark undercurrent of his debut album. I don't think Bob expected to live this long. One day, I'm gonna pimp a fatty grand in my crib with a bust of Bob on it. Fuck Beethoven. \\ But anyway I just pounded some espresso and I got the twitch. Now it's time to roll to work. (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Thursday, January 29th, 2004
11:33 am	tuesday Yeah, it's Thursday and I'm just now blabbering about Tuesday. Such is life. Tuesday in the world of me is a magical day. It's the day of chicken wings, or as we say in Kentucky, wangs. So, Timmy, Jacey, Pohldog, and I rolled out to BeeDubs and got jiggy with 80 of the finest poultry the western world has to offer. Quaffed some Newcastle, got a little tipsy, and as we are about to leave I say, almost jokingly, "let's get some stogums." Tim looks at Pohl and they say nearly in unison, Liquor Barn is open until 10, we gotta hurry. Thusly we roll out and slide to that haven of excess and peruse the humidor. Since it was my idea and I got chicaned into following through I chose some Macanudo Petite Coronas. As we left the humid confines of that wooden box, Timmy asks if we have bourbon. I reply in the affirmative but retort that I know something better for cigars. He answers with, as if to say the last year of living with me was not wasted on his knowledge of booze, "porto". We hit the cordial aisle and peruse the fine brandies, cognacs, sherries, ouzos, metaxas, and all the other sweet libations before we reach the spot where the ports hide. We grab a nice Noval and make tracks. Getting home we put a cloud in the kitchen, burn some frankincense, and kick it. I brushed my teeth a few times and hit the sack. (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
11:24 am	Ha! Splendiferous is actually a word! look it up! (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
12:48 pm	Where has this been all my life? Guide to Common Laudry and Dry Cleaning Symbols (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Monday, January 26th, 2004
9:27 am	New York Times said it was the coldest winter in seventeen years; Around 7:30 I was laying there in bed thinking to myself, "I have to scrap the damn windows." Getting up is hard enough normally. Factor in the removal of glaciers from the windshield and it's really really hard. So I get motivated, turn on the espresso machine, start the cars, and move to the kitchen to make myself a shot of the black yummy. I hit it then proceed to move Jacey's ride, scrap Kimmy's windows, and then those of my car. I get it done relatively quick, grab a poptart and make tracks Southbound. A few miles on the highway then then I see a huge patch of icy death ahead. Normally, this wouldn't freak me out, but I was rolling at a very brisk clip. I exhaled, reminded myself to not hit the brakes, and felt a little wiggly in the backend as I passed it. That out of control feeling is very unconcerting. I wish I could say my life passed before my eyes or something clever, but I mostly thought about not braking. So, I get to work turn on the computer and here I am. Let's recap some recent events. Friday, as with all Fridays, found me and my entourage at Sakura right after me and the boys made short work of some Bombay Sapphire and tonics. Again, we filled up the entire sushibar and a few tables. Peterson was gracious enough to drive my car, and thusly a strong majority of the posse got nice and toasty on sake and Sapporo. The fishy fishy was excellent as always and after we adjourned we rolled back to my place. I had a few more gins and we had a little soiree. Now, this is a little out of character for me, but around midnight, I was cashed. Yep, this fly cat passed out with a houseful of crew. It was all bad, but Kimmy helped me to bed and I was out like disco. Saturday, was a day of mostly relaxing, not much happened, and I have nothing interesting to report. Well, I could, but it wouldn't be appropriate for all readers ;) Let me tell you. In case you were wondering, playing the piano is really really hard. Today marks my first week of studying music theory (that is to say previous to now, I knew nothing of music save the fact that Bob Dylan is the man). The theory part isn't so bad. What is bad is making my fingers move the right way. I can do C, D, and E major scales up and down with both hands, but not with both hands at the same time. On the whole, I think I'm getting it, but I can tell already I need to spend massive time practicing. I gotta send a special thanks out to xclichex for answering about a thousand theory questions and explaining the proper finger technique for the scales. The best part though is, unlike my study of philosophy, playing the piano doesn't make me wonder if I should go ahead, a la Camus' major philosophical question, and nix myself. Existentialism is cool and all, but winter is dark and cold enough without it. Winter sucks. Yes, driving in the snow is fun. Sweaters are nice. Winter does have some perks. However, I lust for the wind in my hair again. I want to roll ultra fast on a country road with the windows down and the music up. I want to run. I want to feel the sun on my face. Damn this cursed winter gloom. Damn this ice. All things considered this has been a good winter. Lots of adventure, lots of action, lots of everything that makes being twenty something the magical time when you still aren't really an adult, but everybody thinks you are. (14 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
4:38 pm	update at gunpoint I have really neglected my blog as of late. Rather than lay a bunch of weak excuses as to why I have failed in this task, I will just hammer out some verbage. After a year of marital bliss, Timdog and I are getting a divorce. Yes, Timmy is moving to Lexington to work at Lexmark and thusly will be leaving me. To commemorate the event I bought him a flask engraved with: Worst Roommate EVER! Ha! It also has our roll numbers and Beta motto on the back. In other news, I have decided to learn about music. I got bored with all the philosophy crap. Or more specifically, all my reading in philosophy depressed me. See, it's all just varying flavors of bullshit. Life matters, life doesn't matter, do this, do that, this is right, this is wrong, you're gonna die, waaaaa!, et cetera ad nauseum. I have in recent years been an avid listener of all forms of music save baroque, and as such I figure I should take it to the next level and learn the whys and hows of music creation. At any rate, I started this entry this morning and I have been too damn busy to finish it. C'est la vie. More to come, I swear. (12 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Friday, January 16th, 2004
11:25 am	wtf? The slogan of the Congressional Black Caucus is "The Conscience of the Congress since 1969." Ha! Aside from being an oxymoron doesn't it strike anyone as being a little racist and partisan for a group limited to black democrats calling themselves the "Conscience of the Congress"? I wonder who makes up the Libido of the Congress? (2 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
9:45 am	wtf? "Sheik Yassin is marked for death, and he should hide himself deep underground where he won't know the difference between day and night. And we will find him in the tunnels, and we will eliminate him." -Israeli Deputy Defense Minister Zeev Boim regarding Hamas Founder Sheik Ahmed Yassin (17 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
4:27 pm	Missing Fleece I have misplaced my North Face Denali fleece. It is maroon and black. If you have seen it or know where it is, please let me know. Thanks in Advance, bobby (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
12:16 pm	Welcome to Amerika. Pilot's search for flight-simulator software spurs visit from state trooper Mon Jan 12, 5:34 PM ET By Emanuella Grinberg, Court TV Be careful what you ask for is the lesson Julie Olearcek learned when she inquired about a gift for her son last week at a Staples store. A seemingly innocent query for flight simulation software earned the Air Force Reserves pilot a visit to her home from State Troopers, according to local reports. Olearcek was looking for a computer game that her son could use to practice flying an aircraft, just like the ones flown by his mother and father, who is also an active-duty pilot. After searching the aisles for something that didn't involve fighting to no avail, Olearcek asked a sales clerk. "He was alarmed by us asking how to fly airplanes and said that was against the law," said Olearcek, according to The Recorder, an online news site. "I said I couldn't imagine that, but, because (the clerk) was a little on edge ... I left." A few hours later, a State Trooper showed up at Olearcek's house incognito, shining a flashlight through a sliding door and tapping on the glass. Olearcek was frightened at first, but the State Trooper identified himself and asked Olearcek if she had inquired about the video game. She said she had, and then showed her military ID. "At first I felt like, 'Wait a minute, this is America.' But we also have to understand it takes everybody to pay attention," Olearcek said. Sgt. Donald Charpentier of the Shelburne Falls State Police barracks said the Staples manager had called them to report that a person had been looking for instructional videos regarding flying planes. "Those programs are quite common for entertainment and training, but he felt it was suspicious enough to warrant a call," said Charpentier, according to the Recorder. "We responded, and it turned out to be innocent enough; a person looking to buy a Christmas gift." In the post-9/11 world, Staples spokesperson Sharyn Frankel said are instructed to be alert and to report any sort of suspicious inquiries or behavior in the store. "It's all about keeping our associates and customers safe. This was out of the ordinary and kind of raised a red flag and (the sales clerk) did what he thought was right." (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Friday, January 9th, 2004
11:27 am	Trickle Down Diatribe Ha! Read the last couple of posts in this journal: thevorak Oh, how I love being me! (1 bite | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Thursday, January 8th, 2004
1:15 pm	Illness has sapped my will to write. More to come later. I swear. (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
12:15 pm	I hate being sick. I have had a cold since Sunday and as such I have felt generally crappy. I'm almost better but I'm still a little coughy and sneezy. At any rate, the suffering predicated by said sickness was greatly ameliorated by good company. Furthermore, I am going to be teetotaling for a while to get my constitution back in check. I also have to watch my diet. I had too much fatty and unhealthy food over the holidays. I owe myself at least 30 hard run miles to get my ass back on track. C'est la vie, everything has been awesome lately, but I can't forget that karma applies to health as well. As such, I need to renew my focus. (4 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Sunday, January 4th, 2004
2:23 pm	the life and times of bobby bailey So, as the parents are being escorted up the aisle, I leaned over to Clint and said, "I think in the Baptist world, this counts as foreplay." He snickered and we watched the events unfold. Baroque music, 1 Corinthians 13, a unity candle, an explanation of what rings symbolize, etc. It all climaxed when the best man toasted, we all raised our punch and listened to about 10 seconds of the most uninspired prattle I have ever heard. I could see in Clint's face that is wall all bad. See, the groom was Clint's best man and they were best friends in school. They shared about 10 words total. Time changes people, it changes them and then it kills them, that lesson was crystallized into a burning and radiant truth for me yesterday. Now, lets roll back the clock 24 hours. At Sakura, an event occurred which rivals in pride my attaining the number one spot on Google for the keywords "bobby" and "bailey". This event was the filling of the bar from one end to the other with my fraternity brothers and girls we brought. Yes, it was a great day for the fishy fishy. Then, as we walked out, Jay, the manager came out. So, I'm thinking, "did some dine and dash?" He hands me an envelope. It contains a $20 gift certificate and dig this, a 10% off card good until 2005! My entire party gets a inverse tithe from Sakura! It was truly a great day in the morning, or rather night, but regardless, that is friggin cool! Now, ipso sake, we came back to my house and had a party. Well about 20 people in my tiny ass crib counts as a party, in the heyday of my youth, that would have been a tea party, but in my older and wiser and smaller domicile having days it kinda rocked. Interesting events are unfolding in my life. Unfortunately, I cannot document them here, but let me tell you, heavenly things are afoot. Yesterday, I hit the wedding mentioned above, after which Leah, Clint's wife, said let's get a drink. So, we rolled over to the Highview Lounge and we watched Louisville pound Murray state and kicked back with a little ethanol refreshment. McKinney solicited me for going out later that night. Well, I wasn't game at first but later I succumbed. See, Elmo (another Beta) is the manager of Have a Nice Day Cafe and Joe Green (a Beta and a pledge brother of mine) is a bartender at Bar Louisville. So we go, get guestlisted, and get free drinks all night (mostly Bombay and Bull until they ran out of RedBull, then we were drinking vodka tonics). Everything past about 1 is a blur. I woke up feeling a little crappy. I have to chill on this partying like a rockstar business. So, today, I gotta take Scotty back to the Mount and then I have an afternoon engagement. (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Friday, January 2nd, 2004
6:06 pm	It's 6:04 on a Friday. I'm sitting here at my computer, drinking a Tanqueray and tonic with a twist, writing this, and then getting a shower. Scotty and Tim are in the living room playing Grand Theft Auto. As Scott's M3 is still in the shop, I picked him up and drove him into the city with me. En route we had to stop off at this redneck bar on the Spencer county line so he could drop off and notarize a deed. The barkeep signed it, and paid Scott with a case of beer. It was a little strange event in a little strange bar in a little strange corner of Kentucky. I just got here and straightened up the room and picked up the house a little. Friday means sushi and before and after it also means people hanging out at my house. So it's gonna be all good. New Year's Eve was fantastic. We hit some gins here, some vodka at Stadler's, and downed a few bottles of bub at the party at Ben's. It was really groovy. A sober Will dropped us off and everybody made it home safe. They say a gentleman never tells, and they don't. All I will say is that my night was brightened by the beauty of a rare and delicate kiss given to me by a most exquisite soul. Sometimes, you can't see the forest for the trees and sometimes although our minds deny the logic, our hearts can but sing the refrain of the might-not-have-been manifesting it at once into the blessed presence of the is. I wonder what the future holds with the awe and reverance of a child on Christmas morning. I no longer fear the uncertain and I know that I am not alone in this world. Now, I will finish this drink and retire to the washroom and prepare myself for the evening. (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
4:44 pm	It was not without a certain sense of irony that I just watched, on this the cusp of an evening sure to be fraught with lechery and debauchery of many forms, Fear and Loathing. The irony enhanced by my watching it with my attorney. I am no Raul Duke and he no Dr. Gonzo, but it struck me as a little funny nonetheless. Bottles of Ballatore, Freixenet Cava Brut, and Veuve Clicquot Demi-Sec chilling in the fridge. The two former (the cheap shite) for before and after, and the latter (the oh so sweet love from Reims) for drinking at midnight. A 1.75 of Bombay Sapphire is waiting in the wings and a case of Redbull is on high alert. The evening is going to start here with a few gin and tonics. And I mean a few. The inebriation must be carefully monitored and tempered tonight. A designated driver has been secured for my party of revelers, but I may yet here the mysterious life story of a thick accented cabby yet tonight. The necessary precautions have been taken. Professional lushdom is a careful edge to walk on. On one hand, you don't want to get killed in a fiery crash, thusly you choose transport carefully. On the other hand you don't want to become an alkie, so you gotta hit the bottle in moderation. To support the former, I roll with an entourage. To support the latter, I only drink the good shit. I'm a thrifty bastard, and as such, I allow economics to moderate my binging. Now, I'll be interested to see how all this pans out. I always beware of drinking champagne, it does things to me. My last night of bubbly drinking found me making out with a girl whose name I would not learn until asking for her number, which from my ethanol blurred recollection, seemed to bother her somewhat. I can't really sit here and not think, in a manner not entirely different from my thoughts of the tonight yet to be, what next year will hold. I mean, I could die, or my lease on life might get extended. Anything is possible. Someone once told me that nothing surprised them. I think it's insane to believe that. I suppose though, if you can work yourself up into the frenzy of thought whereby nothing is out of the ordinary and no corner of reality is unimaginable, that would be pretty strange. I don't think anyone could walk outside and see a gang of rabid parakeets sharpening their beaks for a little Hitchcockian bloodbath and not throw out a gasp. But, whatever, in my line of work I hear all kinds of bullshit. So, what might next year hold. I am either going to make alot of money or need a new job. If the latter, I'll prolly go and teach English in Japan for a year. Regardless, I have to get working on my book. I have the whole idea, I just need to quit being such a sissy and start slapping the keyboard. But whatever, I have time, or at least the illusion that my life will continue. There is always that chance that I might not live to see the dawn. Perhaps I should add an actuary to my entourage. Regardless, I have things to do to get ready. So, I hope that anyone whose eyes meet these words a good night and a wonderful new year. Don't worry about me. I am going to get schmammered tonight, but I will indeed be careful and make it home safe. Rock on. (6 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
11:51 am	Ha! Conservative Teens (from The Onion) "Of course teens are conservative. They're rebelling against the liberal bias that controls the media." "I don't understand my teenage son. He's always locked in the bathroom with that damn Ann Coulter book." (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
11:34 am	FYI In my life I have had just about every variation and variety of booze that exists. Name it and this cat has prolly had it. Apertif, sherry, gin, tonic, chronic, port, zin, cab, cdr, nouveau, veuve, dom, seagrams, asti, ouzo, jager, woodford, abso, fin, belvedere, stoli, hardy's, ad nauseam, and I mean literally, nauseam. I now know that the best cocktail in the entire universe is.... ...Bombay Sapphire and Redbull. Two shots of the former in one can of the latter. It is so so good. (10 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)
Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
4:51 pm	life. So, it's been a while since I've written anything of merit in here. I figure I should throw something up real fast. The last few moments of my life have been perfect. I could not have desired a better December. So many wonderful things have happened in my life that I cannot begin to render an accurate description here. But, since I've got time and free will and all, I'll give it a shot. For all you non-adopted people out there, let me tell you that there is a certain stress around the holidays. On one hand, you don't want to piss off the people that raised you, but on the other hand, you want to explore the new reality that comes from finding your "other" family. Needless to say, I had been worrying about this for some months and it had been a major stress. Well, Providence, fate, or whatever mechanics of scheduling hooked me up with the best present of all: the ability to get through the holidays and maintain all my familial obligations save one. C'est la vie, but in retrospect, it could not have gone better. Granted, I racked up over a thousand miles on the GTI in a week, but hey, that's what German rides are all about, baby! So, back and forth to the Leb, I realized that my earlier suspicions and fears about being an outsider in both my families was not really the deal. It just took some time to adjust to the change. Seriously, I cannot impress upon you enough how weird this whole deal has been for me. I mean, even though I knew the deal from the go, it's still prominently displayed in my collection of thousand natural shocks that this oh so hot flesh has been heir to. So, its all good now. I was welcomed by not only the Brady's, but also the Buckman's (biological father's wife's family), which was hugely cool and not completely unexpected considering how immaculately hospitable they are. Parents not only dug their Ruth's Chris gift certificate, they are gonna take my ass with them when they go! Score! Stuart dug his camera, Sarah loved her watch, Kristin thought her jacket was swell, so it was all good. Me, I made out like a friggin' bandit. I have no idea how I stayed off the naughty list, but I suspect the Fat Red Man might be getting a shade myopic in his old age. But I ain't complaining. Now all this joy in the life has had some ancillary benefits. I got my mojo back. Yes, I can once again talk smack to the hunnies and make headway to the boudoir ;) See, this whole year, I had kinda taken a little time off the game. I really enjoyed the single life ipso the last girlfriend (with whom I dissolved all ties in February). A fling aside, the year saw very little in the way of carnal endeavoring. Now, one night at the Granville, my fire was rekindled by a girl named S. I'm not sure if she is a sociopath or just really clever, but whatever. I really dug her, but she wasn't into anything serious. She seduced me one night, and that was cool, and it was something I will not soon forget. I would have liked to date her, but whatever, c'est la vie. It's funny how game is just a function of confidence. It's all about liking who you see in the mirror and putting your best self forward. So, find a red headed angel to teach you that your beautiful, go to the salon, drop a grand or two on some new threads, and get back in the mix. Ah, the mix. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than looking at a pretty girl, and having her look back and smile. I mean if she ends up taking you home with her, that's obviously good too, but whatever. Life is too short to not enjoy the simple things. It's also nice to enjoy the complicated things, like making out with a girl you have liked for a very long time but never had the guts to do anything about and then just randomly doing it one December night and then thinking about it for the next few days wondering what to do next, feeling the burn of anticipation until the next time you see her. It's like that and more. So where does this leave me? Really busy, going out every night, hanging out with my friends, having adventures, and whatever else I want. Life may have no meaning. It may just be the Atropos thread hung between the two blessed and certain endpoints of nothing, birth and death. But even that really doesn't matter. I am here, I am now, and this is my moment. I can love or hate, I can sing or cry, I can despair or I can hope. Let me tell you, I made my choice. You will see me in singing in the arms of love, hoping that I can make the good times last as long as I can. It's just that simple. (3 bites | are you gonna bark all day, little doggy?)